Ho ho ho…Win win win! Biome Lifestyle are giving away 2 boxes of our popular Eco Play Crackers to the person who replies with the funniest Christmas joke! This could be a Christmas themed joke or one of your classic cracker ‘gags’ that you may have heard over the years (keep it clean pls!)…
Designed and made for Biome Lifestyle, these fun Eco Play Crackers are great for all the family. Made from recycled paper and featuring a game inside to play around the Christmas table, the crackers ensure Christmas lunch is full of fun and games!
Post your joke below to be entered in the prizedraw. The Biome Lifestyle team will pick the joke which makes us all laugh the loudest and the winner will be notified by email.
* The competition closes on 1st December 2009
What do angry mice send to each other in December?
Cross mouse cards!
Where do snowmen go to dance
Snow balls
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
Its Christmas Eve
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells Jungle bells
Good King Wenceslas phoned for a pizza.
The salesgirl asked him, ‘Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?
There was two muffins in a hot oven,
One muffin says to the other… ‘few, its hot in here!’
The other one says ‘ F***!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!’
Who looks after Father Christmas when he’s not well?
The National Elf Service
Three women, one engaged, one a mìstress and one married, decide to treat their men by wearing black leather bras, stilleto heels and a leather face mask. The engaged women says “My man leapt on me and we made love all night”. The mistress adds “Me too. We had wild uninhibited sex all night”. The married woman sighs … “My husband came home, took one look at me and said “Whats for fLIPPING tea Batman?”
A man walks into a bar and says ‘Ow!’
It was an iron bar!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A Carrot!
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It’s bike is outside.
Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women?
Snowballs!
did you hear the joke about the 10 ton penguin?
Pity, it would have helped to break the ice!
A Cheeseburger and a beefburger walked into a bar
and the barman said “Sorry, we don’t serve food”
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper – He sold his soul to Santa!
What’s the most popular wine at Christmas?
“Do I have to eat my Brussel sprouts?”
What do elves learn at school?
The elf – abet!
why is a christmas tree better than a man?
it stays up for 12 days and nights, has cute balls and looks good with the lights on !!!!
What does Santa call reindeer that don’t work?
Dinner.
What’s the most popular wine at Christmas?
“Do I have to eat my Brussel sprouts?”
What did the man cracker say to the lady cracker?
Quick doll, you’ve pulled!
Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?
She said “I could not work out what size her nose was!
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
…
A Carrot!
What do you call a Donkey with three legs??
a Wonkey
What bee can never be understood? …
A mumble-bee.
How does Father Christmas climb up a chimney?
He uses a ladder in the stocking!
What do you call an orange parrot? – A carrot !
How do you know when there is an elephant in bed beside you?
It’s got a big ‘E’ on it’s pyjamas!
How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive”?
Olive? Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names!”
A man in Scotland calls his son the day before Christmas Eve and says,
‘I hate to ruin your day but your mother and I are divorcing. 40 years of misery is enough’.
‘Dad, what are your talking about?’ the son screams.
‘The truth is, we can’t stand the sight of each other any more’, his father replies. ‘We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about it. Can you just call your sister in Leeds and tell her what’s going on?’
Frantic, the son calls his sister who explodes down the phone. ‘Like hell they’re getting divorced. Leave this to me!’
She calls Scotland immediately and roars at her father, ‘ You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t either of you do a single thing till I get there. I’m calling my brother right back to make arrangements but take it from me, we’ll both be there by tomorrow night. Do nothing until we arrive!’
The father hangs up his phone, turns to his wife and says ‘Sorted!’They’re both coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way!’